you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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