Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize