Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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