there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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