Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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