Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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