Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sext me about skeletons
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
