**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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