Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
