But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
