fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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