You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My life is pants optional.
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