Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
