I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
