Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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