I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
