The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
