I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
