from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
