When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
