The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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