Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
