please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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