His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
