Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize