Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His nipple licking is glorious
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