I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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