there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize