WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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