her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
