I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
