you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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