If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
