Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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