I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
