My brain says no but my pants say off.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
