we made out on top of his cat.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
