it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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