i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize