I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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