Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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