Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
