new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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