White coat. Heels.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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