U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize