If that was your dad, he is hot
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
