my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
