im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
