The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
