I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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