I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
