Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
