It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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