It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His hands were made for my vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
