Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
