the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
