Can i not drive my cunt home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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