after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
