I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
