If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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