halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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