If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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