who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
