I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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