I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i love accidental penises.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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