im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
