I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
