return my video game
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
