she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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