Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
