i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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