That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
