I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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