I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
