Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
