I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
