Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
