When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
