I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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