Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
