it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
