The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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