I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
