Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
