dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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