I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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