Duck Duck Cougar?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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