Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
