Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
