Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize