you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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