Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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