The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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