went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
