I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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